Sticky Buns at the Movies: A Film Review

Hey fellas, wondering why all of the clubs and pubs were lacking ladies this weekend? Well it's because the entire female population of D.C. went to see the film 27 Dresses. The movie was OK, there are pretty people to look at (all who have jobs waaaay better than yours), a couple of funny lines, and as my mother always likes to say, some lovely scenes of New York. I have decided to share some highlights of the movie, so you yourself do not have to actually go see it.


- Ed Burns...That gent is easy on the eyes.

- When they finally stopped playing "Crocodile Rock."

- The fact that in the bathroom at the movie theater, new hand dryers have been installed that are so powerful, they sound as though a jet is taking off, in addition to making the skin on your hands warp from the high speed of the hot air being ejected from the nozzle.

- The awesome new lip balm I kept reapplying throughout the film. It tastes just like oranges!


Oh wait, the last two comments were not actually about the movie, I just wanted to share some of the fun things I experienced that evening.


So in conclusion, what did I like better, the film or the pile of vomit I found awaiting my pals and I on the metro? Hmmm... I'll have to think about it...

Joke # 1737

Earlier this afternoon, Republicans weighed in on the cloning debate. While Mike Huckabee and other leading Republicans expressed vehement opposition, claiming it violates Christian mores, front runner Mitt Romney threw his full support behind the measure, saying that they can "start with one of my wives."

The Bike Gang

My new bike is super sweet. It's a two toned aqua and cream gem, with chrome fenders and green rimmed wheels. I purchased this bike with the intention of riding it to work from my apartment. My previous biking experience? Well, riding up and down the driveway of my parents house. I would love to pretend that I used to ride a cool banana seat bike with my gang of buddies into town. But let's face it. I grew up in the 90's, not the 60's, and lived in a housing subdivision, with downtown being miles of busy roads away, all which lacked sidewalks.

Recently however, I have been experiencing a childhood renaissance of sorts (though way better cause I can have cookies for dinner and stay out as late as I want), and there has been talk of starting a bike gang since so many of my friends ride. I am not sure if our gang will be more like the A-Team or Hell's Angels, but I can tell you that we will cruise all over town looking cool, with a capital K.

Spring Cleaning

As I was home over the holidays, I embarked on an ambitious task. I decided to clean my childhood room. While that doesn't seem like a big deal, it's been about 10 years since the carpet has been visible. I decided to tackle the piles of clothes, books, and other clutter, and in the process found some things I thought I would share with you. The following items have been cleaned, archived and preserved for the next generation. They include:



-My special treasure box (a decorated Strid Rite shoe box) with the following warning: "Stay out! Not just secrets but gum and candy too!" Yes, that was actually written on the top of the box. Pretty clandestine, huh?



-Piles of paint swatch samples I took from Hechinger's Hardware store. I sincerely hope that did not contribute to their bankruptcy.



- Puppy posters (a given).


- A list of every boy I was ever in love with between the years 1988-1996 (I started lusting after boys pretty early in life). The most recent list is in my apartment. Yes, I still keep one.



- A note sent home regarding unexcused Latin class absences during my senior year of high school that I intercepted in the mail. Of course, I got a D in Latin in college, so I guess the joke's on me.



- Many "collectible" brochures, books and pamphlets about the "new hit show!" Beverly Hills, 90210. A classic!!



-Scrunchies!



-Babysitter Club trading cards



- A Whitney Houston tape ( the soundtrack of the Bodyguard, naturally. Though it was found still in it's shrink wrap)



-Math tests bleeding red with the word "See Me" in capitals. Well bully to you, I have my masters degree! In Mathmatics! Ok, no, not in math, but still...Pretty good, right?

Adventures at the Public Library

On the afternoon of one particularly steamy summer Sunday, a friend and I decided to venture downtown to the cool air conditioned glass and steel fortress that is the MLK Library. I had a pile of books to return, so off we went, my bag filled with such classics such as ABC: True Tales of the Alphabet and The Princess Diaries: Princess in Love. As a habit, I always leaf through any books I return to ensure the removal of book marks, stray slips of paper, or what have you. Just as I was placing the books on the counter, a prophylactic lept from between the pages and on to the floor. My purse was swimming with them* and unbeknowst to me, one had slipped its way between the pages of my book. I grabbed it as nonchalantly as possible, though beet red, the librarian staring me down through the bifocals balancing on the edge of her nose. I am just thankful that the next reader of the Princess Diaries was not corrupted by the possible surprise ending that had been lurking near the final chapters.



*The night before I went to the library to return my books, I had attended a bachlorett party. The result was that I had about 30 comdoms in my bag. Just to clarify.....

Diamonds are a Messiah's Best Friend

Smell that Holly? Tis' the season where people of all faiths set aside their differences and join together to celebrate...well, Christmas. However, I know many Jews and Muslims who love eggnog, so that's not an issue (and isn't eggnog what Christmas is all about?). Regardless, it's always affirming to see representations of ones faith, such as the expression I saw buttoned to the bosom of a women I met at a "holiday" party. It was a broach, spanning half her chest with the word JESUS! outlined in rhinestones. Wow, if that doesn't rally the faithful nothing will. As we spoke, I could not help but stare, (and I am sure she was thinking...umm my eyes are up here). Glittering rhinestones surrounded by shiny sliver metal with the name of her savior upon her breast. It was very special. I guess that answers the question, what would Tiffany's do?