Healthy Competition

Once a year my college friends and I gather for a day of sportsman-like drinking, known to us as The Beer Olympics. Various events are organized, such as beer pong, flip cup (a personal favorite), quarters etc. As you can imagine, the senses become dulled after hours of such assault, so it was early in the evening that we all retired to bed (well, to the various air mattresses, sleeping bags, and sofa cushions assembled in my friend’s living room).


Suddenly, in the middle of the night, I awoke to a piercing persistent beep. It roused some of my fellow Olympians, all of us exchanging blurry glances and slurred expressions of annoyance for having been awoken from our coma like state. Someone shouts "it’s the carbon monoxide detector!" Suddenly, I am completely alert, desperately attempting to recall the symptoms of CO2 poisoning often described on Dateline. Was I nauseous? Yes. Sweating? Yes. Thinking clearly? No. Omg call 911, I think to myself, I am poisoned! I can’t breath! I am dizzy! I...pass out and wake up to sunlight streaming stealthily through the slots of the blinds, my brow crinkling from the blinding light and a pretzel stuck to my cheek. I silently chant a prayer, thankful to be alive. I had not been poisoned after all. I was just drunk.