I have a…quality. This quality is what attracts the person who smells like pee to sit close to me on the bus. It’s what possesses a stranger in line at a grocery store to inquire if he can tickle me. And it is the reason why, when I am out with friends, they often pretend to not know me till we are safely seated at the table, movie, concert, or wherever we might be so they can avoid the off kilter folks out there who constantly hone in on the beam I seem to uncontrollably emit.
Anyway, I am very friendly with the ladies who run the café in my office lobby. One new person, whom I’ll refer to as “Kim,” simply lights up when she sees me. She asks me details about where I live, about my job, how I get to work. Avoiding her is tough because when I have managed to slip from her sight a few mornings, once she spots me she asks me pointedly where I have been. She also has taken to walking by my glass office door waving emphatically hello. Often.
Today, when I got back from a walk around the block, she spotted me slinking in and asked where I went. “A walk,” I replied. “Why?” she asked. I answered with just a long “uhhhh….” Kim then asked if I “had time.” I told her I did not have a watch but that I thought it was about noon. She laughed and said she meant time to meet. Over the next 5 minutes, I was able to infer that she wants me to help her improve her English. Apparently that’s why she has been so interested in having these inane, nosy, and oddly off putting conversations with me. She is not trying to stalk me and murder my family. She simply wants to be fluent.
