A Tail of TP

While waiting for the bus on a blustery autumn afternoon, I looked around smiling to myself, pleased to see the many sweaters and scarves making their debut for the season. A brisk wind forced my face to turn, where my eyes fell upon a tall long haired girl in crisp new corduroys and wrap around sweater that fell to her knees. As I began to turn my head back towards the traffic, I quickly did a double take. Proudly unfurling itself on the girl’s lower half was a nearly two foot two-ply piece of toilet paper. It waved to me as if saying hello and then quickly seized again, helpless against the gusty breeze in which it danced. I then had a quick conversation with myself. Should I say something, or let it go? In situations of EE (Extreme Embarrassment), I tend to be the Good Samaritan. Spinach in your teeth? I’ll let you know. Lint in your hair? I’ll pick it out. Toilet paper stuck in your ass cheeks? How could I let that go?

I composed myself and inched my way towards the girl. Leaning over, I whispered, “excuse me,” which was as far as I could get without laughing. Fighting the “hehe’s” that were escaping my belly, I continued, “I think you have some toilet paper coming out of your pants.” Perhaps not the most elegant words I could have muttered, but a personal goal of mine is to avoid saying the word “butt” to strangers. Upon hearing this she immediately became hysterical, shouting “where, where?!,” no doubt trying to remember when she last went to the bathroom and how long she had been walking around with mummy gear coming out of her. All I could do was point to her behind as she continued to shout, though really, where else could the TP have been? She quickly threw her hands behind her and began to claw at her backside, quickly freeing the interloper and letting it go, watching it waft away as the breeze carried it from her.

Unfortunately, it was headed towards me. I managed to avoid the path of the soiled consumable as it eventually hit the ground, watching as the girl turned away from it as if nothing had happened. Though I’m sure if that TP could talk…well, let’s just be thankful it did its duty and leave it at that.