Over the past three months I have spent an inordinate amount of time with a German who has (Viennese) waltzed his way into my heart. While our relationship was strictly and (for me) painfully plutonic, I have begun to consider the many advantages of partnering up with a foreigner. Of course, there are a few downsides, especially when dealing with a German. During this unintended fact finding mission, I have discovered the following
1. I have a fear of Aryan babies. If I were to mate and create these creatures, I fear I would resemble an evil dark sorcerer with my Children of the Corn brood, smiling stiffly in our Sears family portraits. No amount of matching khakis or blue denim shirts in a background featuring fields of daises can change that. Plus, I just don’t know if I will be able to nurse a blond. Is that harsh?
2. Being with a foreigner is like traveling back in time. Not only is the music ten years older, but you always get a second chance when you speak. This is because he /she usually will not understand you the first time. You can change your intention, inflection, or reword a joke if, upon further consideration, you think there is a possibility it may fall flat.
3. In a pinch, you can make shit up.
4. In a pinch, if he/she does something awkward or uncouth, you can just blame it on cultural differences.
5. In a pinch, if he/she says something embarrassing, you can blame it on the language barrier.
6. You always feel smart when you are able to answer his/her questions on American history, culture, or the definition of particular words.
7. If you don’t know the answer, telling him/her to look it up is a great option, as you can claim it is the only true way to learn.
8. Umlauts can be ARE sexy.
9. Wurst, and other sausage meats can be a great conversation starter among new friends.
10. There is no such thing as a sexy pair of socks. Even when paired with a fine leather open toed sandal.
11. Black clothing does not necessarily mean he/she is in mourning. It may just be his/her go to color.
12. Arrested Development brings (sarcastic) cultures together.
13. While the Internet is prevalent in most countries, that does not meant he/she will know what “Sprockets” is.
14. Just because he/she quotes Woody Allen does not mean he/she understands him.
15. Discotheques are not just for dancing
16. It is always sad when he/she waves “Auf Wiedersehen.”.
