Pooetic Justice

One nice thing about being an animal and living at the zoo is that when people piss you off, you can throw poop at them. At least that was the case this afternoon.

As a volunteer at the National Zoo, I have the privilege to take part in many things that the public is denied access to, such as witnessing the artificial insemination of an elephant (they have uteruses the size of a couch), and assisting in the assembly of hay cakes in celebration of our great pachyderms birthdays. However, today’s incident was a treat that all present in the Elephant House had the privilege to observe.

It seems that some youngsters were being particularly shrill and raucous in the presence of Shanti, the zoo’s slightly ornery yet endearing 32-year-old female elephant. Now, this particular elephant may be a bit excitable, but at her age, one must respect that she is lady who knows what she wants. And she did not want this. Shanti began swaying back at forth, her heavy lumbering a clear indication of her agitated state. The shrieking youngsters, however, did not cease their irritating screeches. Shanti then used her great proboscis to heave hay towards the offending individuals, which perhaps should have been taken as a sign that hmmm, maybe we should step away from the aggravated 9.000 lb animal. However, the youths continued the commotion as Shanti continued spraying hay towards the crowd. Suddenly, in the midst of the piercing racket, Shanti halted the hay shower and stood motionless. For one brief moment, it seemed she would retreat to her outdoor pen, the doors having been wide open since dawn. The onlookers then watched as this middle aged cantankerous female elephant matter-of-factly picked up a pile of her feces and hurled the excrement through the warped bars of the enclosure.

There was a collective gasp as Shanti’s not so subtle hint hit the onlookers, striking some on their arms and chest, though much of it landing in a pile at their feet, culminating in a pleasant and perfectly sounding “plop.”

The crowd dispersed quickly as the zoo keepers suppressed their smiles, sweeping the sheisse aside. There’s nothing like a little bit of shit on a sunny Sunday afternoon to put things in perspective.