V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N (almost)

I have been saving my vacation days like a miser since last summer and as a result have nearly 3 weeks of leave. I have decided to use that time to motor across the country and see the best sights this country has to offer. I know gas prices are high, but it’s my patriotic duty to make sure the terrorists don’t win, right? I'm heading to the Grand Canyon, Mt. Rushmore, and of course, Graceland, Dollywood and the Corn Palace. I also hope to encounter the World's Largest Ball of Twine along the way.



My vacation could not have come at better time, as the last week has nearly unhinged my fragile psyche. I injured my knee (swimming of all things, but to be fair it was in the Atlantic and the sea was hella rough. Yes, I just wrote “hella.”), nearly killed two electricians working in my office when I turned on the lights (an event that could have been easily averted by a small piece of tape over the switches. The two electricians turned out to be fine, though the shock definitely took a year off my life), and got in to a fight with a taxi cab driver who took me two miles in the wrong direction and then charged me 10$ for dropping me off in the same spot he picked me up at. To top it all off, I was solicited by a cult this morning at the library. I smiled and said politely, that no, I was not interested in their conference featuring up and coming artists and free food, nor would I sign their petition or attend their free relaxation seminar.



Anyway, I will be conducting my own relaxation therapy starting tomorrow, as I hit the road and head west. Upon my return, I will share my adventures in America Land, but in the meantime, be wary of any group that approaches you in the library inquiring about your financial stability, your relationship with your parents, and whether or not you crave a new and exciting lifestyle.